Dear Enchantress… Enchantress SHANE KULMAN

Dear Enchantress,

I get jealous. I am a young black woman, I have many talents and ideas and I work on myself. I go to dance a lot, and I’m a great dancer. I like getting attention, (all of this is great to admit when I’m anonymous). When I am around other awesome women, sometimes I get jealous, like something kicks in where I want all the attention, and when there is a woman I get envious of, my heart starts to race and I start to act out in different ways. I’m in your Awkward Enchanted Coven on FB, and I’ve heard you say you have been jealous in the past as well. Can you tell me what to do? I feel stupid being a grown woman and comparing myself and getting jealous of other women.

Thank you.

 

Dear Jealous Jane,

Yes! I have spoken about this topic, it’s a good one, and can be easily bypassed or resisted because it feels wrong, or shameful or just plain annoying. I see all feelings, and sensations as valuable ways to learn about your self and all feelings are energy, and energy is being alive and is fuel for so many things, especially creativity. So let’s unpack this!

Jealousy is a recipe of desire, longing and feeling not enough. These things are built into our society though media, commercials and such. So, all the feelings you have of jealousy are totally normal, and yes uncomfortable. I wonder if you know the women you find yourself jealous of? If you do, I always err on the side of sharing the feelings, which can also be tremendously uncomfortable, but it usually brings you energy and power in not hiding these feelings, as truth is medicine for growth. If straight up sharing the truth feels impossible, you can also go to the woman and give her compliments and ask her questions about what you find so triggering.

I find that most women these days can be open for this kind of dialogue. If you are jealous of a woman that does not seem to be open at all, doing what you are doing right now is extremely helpful, reaching out to share and asking for support.

Jealousy is normal. If you can grow from the experience, you win. What you resist will persist, so keep us posted! I would personally love to know how you choose to deal with this! The truth shall always set you free. There is real truth in that for sure.

Enchantress Shane coaches Awkward Enchanted folk wanting more magic, passion and confidence in their lives.  Check her out at www.enchantedembodiment.com

The Enchantress Discusses Transforming Anxiety Into Confidence

How does anxiety get transformed into confidence? Click here to hear this interview with the amazing Danielle M. Holdman, B.Msc.,CPC. She is THE Life & Vocation Coach, Spiritual Counselor, Ordained Metaphysical Minister, Motivational Speaker & Writer

It’s the coaching parlor!

https://open.spotify.com/episode/4FbC4kGbpDfagO2rfuEdI5?si=xl5Ko7LpRea_hRZeX4-gew

Love,

The Enchantress coaching parlor.jpg

Improv Acting is Everything

Embodied knowledge comes from embodied experience. Giving yourself the opportunity to be present and speak and move from this place IN connection with another human being. This is life. Improvisational acting is life, one never knows what’s next. Imagine being better and feeling more fulfilled in a relationship. Where do you need clarity?

  • Family
  • Romance
  • Friendships
  • Co-workers
  • Clients

You choose and bring your desire for clarity to this workshop in NYC on July 11th at The famous Open Center…

YES I want to come!

If you are wanting more confidence in connecting with new individuals and more conviction speaking in front of groups, this workshop is for you! We invite you to push your boundaries and give yourself permission to be raw and visible—this is where impact happens. Join us for a deep dive into connection, joy, and consciousness in community. Using Authentic Relating skills and improvisational acting, attendees will be guided to peel the layers of self to reveal truth, presence, and depth, while uncovering and sharing simmering inner possibilities through playing, connecting, and expressing in this radically authentic way.
Love
me!
improv open center .jpg

Are You A Too Nice Nancy?

It’s the Rockaway Times advice column!

Are you a too nice Nancy? Do you have a hard time telling a man “no” after they’ve bought you a drink? Read on… http://www.rockawaytimes.com/index.php/…/3896-too-nice-nancy

Dear Enchantress.

I am SO glad you exist. I wanted to write in with a question and have not been clear, BUT today I am. Last night, something happened while I was out in Rockaway and it happens often and I’m so sick of dealing with it the way I have been, so I’m writing you, and I think some women can also relate. I’m out with girlfriends, and some dude infiltrates. He’s nice, so we don’t shoo him away, and he buys us drinks and then attaches himself on to us. Here is my problem: I am so nice and friendly and start to feel bad for this guy, and then he becomes “my friend” and I feel responsible for him! Ugh, then he trails around me for the rest of the night. Why won’t he see he is not wanted? Help. I’m too nice.

The beautiful thing is you care, you are loving and perhaps an empath? So, it’s wonderful you’re friendly. And when you and all people really are having a good time, and you’re open and available with a smile, eye contact or a welcoming grace, you are then available to “make a new friend.”

Many people say don’t accept the drink from someone, so you don’t have to owe something. I say that is BS. If someone offers you a drink, it’s ok to receive it, and be grateful and nice. At any point, you don’t owe anyone anything ever. It’s a tad rude to receive the drink, then completely walk off or ignore a person, but that one drink that costs $8 does not qualify a person to spend the whole night with you.

The best tip ever: look him/her in the eyes and say “thank you” fully, with a genuine thank you that this person is offering you a drink. And it’s also ok to say “no thank you.” And if they push you to take a drink as some gentlemen do, DO NOT explain; repeat “no thank you.”

I use to be a big drinker and now I’m not. It makes some folks uncomfortable to be around someone who doesn’t drink, and that can cause some annoyance from either of you. You can always ask for water (a gal can’t be too hydrated.) Again, receiving it with pleasure.

When it’s time, you feel the leaching happening and you want your space back, it’s your strong communication, “thank you, it was nice meeting you, I’m going back to being with my friends right now” that will end the connection. There is no need to explain yourself (ever), smile and shake his hand, and repeat, “It was nice meeting you.” If he responds again with some passive aggressiveness. Repeat the sentence, no more, no less.

Another tip, if being direct and clear is too confronting, only accept people into your space who you know, like and trust.

Another tip, if being direct and clear is too confronting, only accept people into your space who you know, like and trust.