Hi. I write to you because I’m curious about what my next step should be. I just ended a 10-year relationship. I feel mixed feelings. We were like married, except we weren’t. I’m 100 percent sure it was the right move for right now. Who knows what will happen next? I have so many friends giving me advice, even if I don’t ask, so I’m asking you, Miss Enchantress, what should I do next? Should I go on a dating app? Should I go out and party? Should I sit home and cry? Should I go on vacation? ARGH!!! It’s like I don’t know myself at all without him. We have some mutual friends, and they are asking me what they should do! Between the questions and the advice, I’m overwhelmed and exhausted from all of it. SO, what should I do next?
Dear Sparkly and Single,
I am so glad you’re reaching out! I imagine all these friends really care about you, so first it’s great that you have a community. Second, I strongly advise you to take one whole day, to unplug, rest, take a bath, and if you have the energy, clean your house, (or start) to clear out your house of items that are remnants of your past relationship. You can give away, throw out, or put in a box, photos, clothing, personal items, so they are not in your face. Then I would offer you some way of feeling into what is right for you, based on what YOU want. Here are some questions, to guide this part:
- Where do I want to live?
- Who do I want to spend time with?
- What makes me relax?
- What am I most afraid of?
- What brings me joy and fun?
- What do I need to know right now?
So take out a piece of paper or your diary/journal, and just free write. Write the question, and then write the answers, don’t judge yourself, or worry about spelling or grammar. STAY CURIOUS and see what comes out. I would love to get an update!
The reason to do this writing exercise is to tune in to what you want, that’s beyond what any others will tell you.
If you are interested in having Shane as your mentor, coach and guide, email firstname.lastname@example.org, or if you have a question for this column!