I get jealous. I am a young black woman, I have many talents and ideas and I work on myself. I go to dance a lot, and I’m a great dancer. I like getting attention, (all of this is great to admit when I’m anonymous). When I am around other awesome women, sometimes I get jealous, like something kicks in where I want all the attention, and when there is a woman I get envious of, my heart starts to race and I start to act out in different ways. I’m in your Awkward Enchanted Coven on FB, and I’ve heard you say you have been jealous in the past as well. Can you tell me what to do? I feel stupid being a grown woman and comparing myself and getting jealous of other women.
Dear Jealous Jane,
Yes! I have spoken about this topic, it’s a good one, and can be easily bypassed or resisted because it feels wrong, or shameful or just plain annoying. I see all feelings, and sensations as valuable ways to learn about your self and all feelings are energy, and energy is being alive and is fuel for so many things, especially creativity. So let’s unpack this!
Jealousy is a recipe of desire, longing and feeling not enough. These things are built into our society though media, commercials and such. So, all the feelings you have of jealousy are totally normal, and yes uncomfortable. I wonder if you know the women you find yourself jealous of? If you do, I always err on the side of sharing the feelings, which can also be tremendously uncomfortable, but it usually brings you energy and power in not hiding these feelings, as truth is medicine for growth. If straight up sharing the truth feels impossible, you can also go to the woman and give her compliments and ask her questions about what you find so triggering.
I find that most women these days can be open for this kind of dialogue. If you are jealous of a woman that does not seem to be open at all, doing what you are doing right now is extremely helpful, reaching out to share and asking for support.
Jealousy is normal. If you can grow from the experience, you win. What you resist will persist, so keep us posted! I would personally love to know how you choose to deal with this! The truth shall always set you free. There is real truth in that for sure.